It's a shift perceptible only to me, but I am most definitely depressed. Which blows. I don't want to be - I tried not to let it happen. But if I could control it then it never ever would have happened to me before. Five times. Maybe more.
I feel like I'm moving through my grief well, and I'm hardly incapacitated....but so very overwhelmed that I'm shutting down. I have a week to pack but keep dragging my heels. I'm "looking" but hardly being proactive about finding a job. I have yet to set foot in the gym. There's a mental/emotional block that I just can't seem to break down.
The thing I hate most is that I know it's there, and I know it's a problem I want to eliminate, yet I can't quite put my finger on what exactly is holding me back? Dealing with so many things at once certainly isn't helping matters but I know it's more than that. Something I need to resolve...but what?
I just know I need to resolve this crap soon. Fact is, we close on our house in a week and our belongings aren't going to teleport over there. And I'm pretty sure I have gained 5 lbs back of the 30 I lost. Not cool. I worked hard for that dammit! But I can remedy that easily enough....I just need to get my ass through the door of the gym. And my motivation is that said ass is noticeably less firm than it was a month ago.
Time for some serious personal reflection I think. I need to uncover exactly what is getting me down and deal with it ASAP before I stumble into a hole I won't be able to get out of. We'll resume TTC in August and depression is the last thing that I will let get in the way of that. So I need to ensure I am as emotionally and physically healthy as possible by August!
~Michelle
Im just going to throw this out there. Someone told me to start taking magnesium supplements to help with the depression and weight gain.Cortisol levels are up, you are moving house, buying a house,greiving your baby,looking for work. These are some of the most stressful things we have in a lifetime, and you have them all at once?????Give yourself a break, you are doing great under the circumstances. Make sure your prioritising time for yourself to relax. Everyday...5 minutes even just to chill.Takecare
ReplyDeleteJaney
Thank you :) Put that way, I can kind of see your point. I added a magnesium supplement to my personal pharmacy and will try to remember time for me - though that will be a challenge over the next two weeks I think...
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